Deadpool
WARNING!!! THIS ARTICLE IS CLASSIFIED AS MATURE!!!! Stuff about me Because there is SOOO much about me, read it here. Or here. Or here. Oh yeah, btw the awesome founder of this awesome wiki let me take control of this page. Although, I will tell you about my family, as none of these wikis have updated it yet. Dumbasses. People I Know *Wil-He's my dad. He changed his name to Thor, but then he changed it back. *Slade-He's my brother from the DC Universe. *Enchantress is my mum. One time, I accidentally had sex with her. But that was before I knew she was my mum. So technically it doesn't count. Although it kind of does. *Harley Quinn-My current wife. We have several kids (I forget their names) *Gwen Stacy-Bitch of an ex-wife. I hate her guts. I'm glad Spidey took her back. *Shiklah-My ex-wife. She's lord of the dead. Jeez, I sure do have a type. I mean, look at Lady Death! She used to be the Grim Reaper! Also, Gwen (I'm counting her because she died, and now she's a zombie). And Domino, who looks like a goth, and goths support the undead! *Domino-She's my "friend". I put friend in those thingies because I f*ck her when Shiklah's on holidays. *Lady Death-I also f*ck her when both Shiklah and Domino are on holidays. *Cable-He's my friend. I guess. *Wolverine-MY BEST F*CKING FRIEND IN THE WORLD!!!! *Bob, Agent of Hydra-My actual best friend in the world. *Spider-Man-My arch-nemesis. *Evil Deadpool-My actual arch-nemesis. My Bob Bob is my pet. He is an agent of HYDRA, and he wears a green uniform. I don't know why he likes me, I treat him like shit. I mean, look at the title! It's called "My Bob"! He doesn't even care! Trivia *A recurring gag of mine is when I call my guns "doorknobs." I don't know why I do it. I just do. *My dumbass Healing Factor causes my brain cells to be in a constant state of flux and regeneration, rendering me immune to psychics. Man, this science stuff is hurting my brain. Anyway, the constant flux is not what causes me to have my witty banter and ADD-type personality. It's just the way I am, bitch! *I became one of the villains sent to find the so-called Identity Disc possessed by AIM. * I was hired at one point to assist the local resistance in Rumekistan against Flag Smasher and Citizen V. * After becoming temporarily merged with Cable, I seemed to be immune to Cable's telepathy despite Cable's psionic powers becoming greatly increased. * Often, I will do something I should not have done (that's just the way I am bitch! Wait, did I already say that?), and promptly leave the scene, leaving an "I.O.U." message (I owe you). * According to some dumbass I've hated forever, I always dodge to the left. * I LIKE CHIMICHANGAS!!! *Batman once called me dense and retarded. He said "What, are you dense? Are you retarded? How the hell do you not know who I am? I'm the goddamn Batman". * I was cursed for a short time by Loki, who had claimed to be my father (even though his brother's my dad). The curse made me look like Tom Cruise, rendered my face totally invulnerable, and caused my life to fall to ruin. The curse was removed when I reconciled with Thor, my true father, who I met in a bar without ever realizing who it was. This seems to contradict an issue of "Cable & Deadpool" when a conversation between Cable and myself about our pasts and parents, my father is shown dying when he was a teenager, however when questioned on the truth of the story by Cable, I respond, "I'll tell you the truth when you tell me." But because Thor's immortal, he didn't really die. * According to some dumbasses I sound like Demi Moore. I actually sound like Nolan North. * I am one of the few Marvel characters to break the fourth wall. Others include, um, I actually don't know any Marvel characters that break the fourth wall. But in other companies there's Ambush Bug, Toonman, Joker I think, and, uh, Black Hand? Or was it someone else with black in their name? There's also the main character from Sunset Overdrive. That character is basically me. That game is basically mine. *During my adventure to save the Multiverse from the Awareness, it was revealed that my worst fear is to be truly and utterly alone. * Domino once said that my most lethal weapon is his mouth. I agree, well, apart from my guns. And my swords. And my farts. One of my farts nearly killed Bob coz it stunk so much. * I think that my best friend is Wolverine, which of course couldn't be further from the truth. My real best friend is Hydra Agent Bob. * According to everyone on Earth, I'm based off Deathstroke. But he's based off Taskmaster. Who is based off me. Dafuq? **I have just been informed Taskmaster isn't based off me. So, I take back my "dafuq". *People unfamiliar with me call me "Ninja Spider-Man". Which is stupid because people unfamiliar with Spidey call him "A dumbass version of Deadpool". * I have bovinophobia, which is the fear of cows. They scare the shit outta me! Which is weird, because one of my best friends is a cow whose actually my cousin. *So it turns out that everything I thought about my history was all wrong, and Doctor Strange told me the truth. Now I know my childhood sucks. Category:Characters Category:Marvel Characters Category:Assassins Category:Antagonists Category:Fourth-Wall Breaking Characters